Updated November 29, 2014.

Author's Note: In this article we're continuing on the theme of using the classic 1990 Saturday Night Live Dysfunctional Family Christmas Album commercial parody to frame some important discussions about how caregivers can deal with the difficulties of the holidays.  You can watch the full SNL skit here if you'd like more context.

The Dysfunctional Family Christmas Commercial Parody starts with a family, all clad in slightly ridiculous Christmas sweaters, gathered around the punch bowl, drinking what looks like eggnog. The music starts.

The female chorus sings: Dinner is perfect/ presents are perfect/ the tree in the parlor is a perfect one…"

Male chorus interrupts: Then your brother/ yells at your mother.

Everyone: Christmas is ruined for everyone.

Regardless of whether your winter holidays involve an actual Christmas celebration or another holiday, you've doubtless watched this dynamic at work, which is a cognitive distortion called "all or nothing thinking"

You can see how this type of thinking could influence a caregiver's holiday season;  we know when someone is sick or ailing in our household that we already have to lower our expectations for what a "perfect" holiday looks like. But when something mars our already lower expectations of a family get-together, it can seem indeed, like "Christmas is ruined for everyone…" even if you're not celebrating Christmas.

Some ways of saving yourself from all or nothing thinking:

Tip #1: Notice the "all or nothing" trigger/ indicator words.

If you hear yourself using words like "always, impossible, ruined, never, awful, disastrous," or other absolute terms, stop for a moment.  Although it might feel like you're in the middle of something that is impossible or ruined or disastrous, it's entirely possible it might be just "not very pleasant" or "not that great but not completely ruined."

If, for example, your spouse has to have chemo the weekend before your big family celebration, and that means for them that with or without Zofran they'll still have to be very careful about what they eat, it might feel like the entire get together will feel tainted and ruined. But maybe that's not the case, even for your spouse. Maybe there is something your spouse can eat or maybe they can have a light snack before the meal and join in with watching the game or hanging out afterwards. There is often room for creative adjustment, and no one is better at creative adjustment than caregivers but if you're trapped in all or nothing thinking it's hard to imagine other possibilities.

Tip #2. Ask yourself "is this really true? Am I really sure?"

Once you catch yourself using one of those all or nothing indicators, a form of self care is to ask yourself if there is another way to think about the situation. Illness and the caregiving that comes along with it is often devastating and is sometimes literally a personal and family disasters, so it's not a matter of denying that reality but rather having moments of clarification to see if there is way to make those really difficult moments just a little bit easier.

Tip #3 Jump on the reframe.

Use that caregiver creativity and consider how you might think of the situation differently, even if it seems a little ludicrous to do so. Is the situation perhaps not as dire as you thought in the greater order of things? Can there be an argument over medication or can the nursing assistant show up late and it not be as big of a deal as we might think? Remember this is not about right or wrong, it's about how you can think about some of our most difficult caregiver days in order to lighten the load just a tiny bit.