I remember like it was yesterday when I dropped my son at preschool, thinking he was going to love the new environment and new friends.
He has always been quite social, so entering preschool should go smoothly.
It didn't.
Crying, anger, tantrum and fear completely overcame my little preschooler.
Anxiety took the best of him.
And no one was ready for that.
He certainly was not the only anxious child around, and it was his first day, so I wasn't worried.
Once he settles in the new environment, everything should return back to normal.
But days, weeks and even months have past and not only the situation was not improving, it was in fact getting worse.
It was time to do something about it.
After consulting a psychiatrist, I started to make changes in my behavior.
Yes, my behavior needed to be changed first.
The first rule was to stay calm.
It is easier said than done, especially if you are rushing to work.
But it is the most important thing.
My son needed to see and feel comfort in me.
I needed to be someone he could cry to, someone who understands him and someone whom he could trust.
Most of the time, I was a nervous wreck.
I felt bad to leave him crying, I felt like I was betraying him.
At the same time, I was in a rush, always running late for work.
Needless to say, our goodbyes were far from loving and understanding goodbyes he needed to hear.
I realized that his preschool anxiety is not about going to preschool, it was about separation from his father and mother.
And my own anxiety and nervousness was triggered by the fact, that his tantrums drew attention, making me embarrassed and uncomfortable.
Once I took control over my own anxiety, things started to slowly change.
I hugged him, calmly kiss him and said my goodbyes lovingly, instead of nervously.
I was calm the whole time since he woke up, despite the fact that you could see his anxiety building up.
I talked to him in the car, on our way to preschool, making plans for afternoon.
And then followed through with those plans.
This taught my son he could trust me.
It showed him, that even though I had to leave him at the moment, I would be back, and that leaving him was not act of some adult cruelty.
He learned to trust my word and his preschool anxiety became manageable.
It was never completely gone, but rather than focusing on the problems his anxiety caused, we focused on overcoming and easing it.
I found that to be the best way for my little preschooler, anxiety and my own feelings to coexist in peace.