Katie sat at the dining room table, head in her hands and cried.
"I thought we were good parents," she said to her husband Gary.
"But if we were, then Joshua wouldn't be suffering so much with anxiety.
" Have you ever felt that way too? Have you ever blamed yourself for your child's anxiety? Don't! Childhood anxiety is much more common than most people realize and more often than not, it has nothing to do with parenting skills.
The first step in helping children with anxiety is to realize that you, as a good parent, probably didn't cause the disorder.
Childhood anxiety can be caused by a number of factors: physiological contributors, heredity or a life crisis of some kind.
Parenting the anxious child can be a challenge for the best of parents.
Carrying guilt over your child's panic attacks and anxiety disorder is about as effective in getting to the solution as jumping into stormy waters when someone is struggling not to drown.
It is far better to throw them a life line to safety and security than to join in the chaos.
If Katie and Gary can remain calm and objective (hard to do when it's your beloved child, I know) it will help them to evaluate what is really going on with Joshua.
Having clear thinking will go a long way to helping your child to feel good about life again.
If your child senses your own anxiety and fear then it will only intensify the concern over the extreme anxiety he/she already feels.
It is normal for parents to think that they can prevent all negative situations in life from affecting their children.
It is common for parents to want their children to have happily ever after lives.
Of course we don't want our child to be frozen with fear at the most normal of childhood events like going to a friend's birthday party, going to school or going to bed at night.
You are a good parent to want your child to be happy.
With some children getting there is a process.
Helping children with anxiety is to help them to live life as it is.
Joshua's personality had always been a cautious one.
He would evaluate, even as a toddler, events before participating.
Katie and Gary thought he would just grow out of that "phase".
Then when he was five years old he went to his Aunt Diane's house for the weekend.
He loves his aunt Diane very much.
But at bedtime the first night there was a thunderstorm.
He called his parents for reassurance but they could not be reached.
He had always had a great time at her house so no one expected there would be a problem of any kind.
But parenting the anxious child will present unexpected situations for healing.
And you need to be ready for them.
The internal physical make up of some children sets them up to emotionally short circuit when something like that happens.
It doesn't mean Gary and Katie were bad parents or did anything wrong.
If this wasn't the event that triggered Joshua' anxiety disorder then it could have been something else.
A great childhood anxiety specialist sat with the family and discussed possible treatment remedies.
They could help Joshua with some cognitive behavioral treatment.
They didn't want to jump right into medicating Joshua.
Medication may be needed eventually, but you should always try regular behavioral therapy before introducing any medication at all.
Keep in mind, that anti-anxiety medication have lot of side effects, and tend to also alter the child's behavior in general, not just the child's anxiety.
The counselor set up a step by step process that would be used consistently to get Josh to a place of feeling more confident - maybe even more confident than he had felt in his whole life.
He could be taught to use tools to help himself the moment the anxiety first started to rise.
Soon Gary and Katie felt confident because of the help they received from the doctor who specialized in helping children with anxiety.
They rose to the challenge that parenting the anxious child will call for.
They smile as they watch their wonderful son grow stronger physically and emotionally every day.