The Cycle of Violence in an Alcoholic Family
Updated February 10, 2014.
A noise from the kitchen wakes David up, but he doesn't really hear it. All he knows is he is suddenly conscious with one eye trying to focus on the ceiling. It's not his bedroom ceiling. He slowly opens the other eye and glances around to find himself on the living room sofa. How did I end up here?"
The brightness of the room causes him to squint and he realizes it's morning -- the next day. He says to himself, "If this is Saturday morning, what happened to Friday night?"
Through the brain-damaged fog of a hangover, he tries to remember. "Let's see, what did I do on Friday? Oh yeah, I worked! As a matter of fact, I had to work until 3:30 -- barely got to the bar before happy hour, with James and Eddie. I bought the first round for the work crew," he remembers.
"But how did I get home? Think now. I was getting ready to leave the bar with the rental movie... that's right, I rented a movie!" David looks around the room, but does not see the plastic bag from the rental store. "Did we watch it already?"
He hears heels thumping on the hardwood floors from the next room and noises coming from the kitchen. He recognizes the sound. The only time Glenda makes that much racket is when she is trying to passive-aggressively wake him -- or when she's mad.
"Okay," he thinks, "I was ready to leave the bar and then what happened? Think! What could possibly have ... wait! That's right, I was getting ready to leave and Pouchie showed up!"
"Oh God, that's right...
I hassled Pouchie into giving me a snort... and then another!" Remembering more now, David grabs his wallet from the coffee table and checks it contents -- a twenty, a five and a couple of ones -- all that is left from the $200 he got from the bank. He bought $100 worth of cocaine from Pouchie. He stands up, unsteady on this feet, and begins to check all of this pockets, but finds no trace of the little plastic bag. "Man, did I blow $100 in one night?"
He sits back down and tries for force himself to remember more, but most of the night before is a blank. He doesn't remember driving home, if he did drive. He pushes open the window curtain and sees his car in the driveway. "I guess I did," he thinks.
Scenes from the night before painfully begin to return. Then gradually he remembers the fight he had with Glenda. She had thrown his dinner in the garbage and they had words -- he can't remember the details. "Oh no," he says, "I hit her. We had a fight and I hit her hard."
David gets up and stumbles his way to the kitchen. Glenda is busy going from cabinet to cabinet and she ignores him when he walks into room. David realizes that she is giving him the silent treatment, which if he is not careful will explode into another verbal attack. He decides to go on the offensive.
"Do you think if you try a little harder you can make even more noise?" he barks. Glenda is startled by his gruffness. She had misjudged the situation, thinking that he would be in a humble, apologetic mood after the fight the night before. Now she is frightened that he might get violent again.
"The coffee's ready, let me get you a cup," she says, pretending as if nothing is wrong. David grabs his cigarettes and goes out onto the front porch. She takes two cups of coffee and a clean ashtray and joins him in silence.
After half her coffee is gone, she decides to approach a non-controversial subject. "I need to go to the grocery store today," she says casually. She is really asking is if she can use his car, their only vehicle with an automatic transmission and the only one she can drive.
"I forgot to get money out of the bank," he lies. "I've got to go back and finish up the job we didn't complete yesterday and I don't know how long that will take," he lies again. "Make out a list and I will pick up whatever we need when I get off work."
Although he had not wanted to get caught looking closely, David had noticed Glenda's face and the black-eye that was already beginning to show. There was no way he was going to let her go out in public like that. He felt justified in his actions, after all she started the fight, but the last thing on Earth he wanted was for anyone to find out he beat his wife.
The subject has not yet come up in their conversation. It's just sitting there, like an elephant in the living room that everyone is ignoring. Again, he goes on the offensive, "I can't believe you threw dinner in the garbage!"
"I didn't really do that," Glenda confesses. "I covered it and put in back in the oven. It's still there. I'm sorry, I was angry and I told you that to be mean. I planned a perfect evening together and you didn't even come home." She bursts into tears and begins to sob quietly.
David is moved when he sees her cry. For the first time he feels guilt about having spoiled her plans and having hit her. He moves next to her and put his arm around her. "I'm sorry, baby," he says, "I was drinking and just lost my temper."
She replies, "It's my fault, I shouldn't have screamed at you and been such a bitch."
They hug each other tightly and soon begin to kiss. He stands and takes her hand and leads her upstairs to the bedroom where the "making up" phase of the cycle of violence continues.
"Don't worry," he whispers. "It will never happen again, I promise."
Next: The Cycles Continue
Part 1: A Family in Crisis
Part 2: An Alcoholic in Denial
Part 3: A Family Disease
Has your relationship crossed the line to become an abusive one? Take the Abuse Screening Quiz.
A noise from the kitchen wakes David up, but he doesn't really hear it. All he knows is he is suddenly conscious with one eye trying to focus on the ceiling. It's not his bedroom ceiling. He slowly opens the other eye and glances around to find himself on the living room sofa. How did I end up here?"
The brightness of the room causes him to squint and he realizes it's morning -- the next day. He says to himself, "If this is Saturday morning, what happened to Friday night?"
Through the brain-damaged fog of a hangover, he tries to remember. "Let's see, what did I do on Friday? Oh yeah, I worked! As a matter of fact, I had to work until 3:30 -- barely got to the bar before happy hour, with James and Eddie. I bought the first round for the work crew," he remembers.
"But how did I get home? Think now. I was getting ready to leave the bar with the rental movie... that's right, I rented a movie!" David looks around the room, but does not see the plastic bag from the rental store. "Did we watch it already?"
Trying to Remember
He hears heels thumping on the hardwood floors from the next room and noises coming from the kitchen. He recognizes the sound. The only time Glenda makes that much racket is when she is trying to passive-aggressively wake him -- or when she's mad.
"Okay," he thinks, "I was ready to leave the bar and then what happened? Think! What could possibly have ... wait! That's right, I was getting ready to leave and Pouchie showed up!"
"Oh God, that's right...
I hassled Pouchie into giving me a snort... and then another!" Remembering more now, David grabs his wallet from the coffee table and checks it contents -- a twenty, a five and a couple of ones -- all that is left from the $200 he got from the bank. He bought $100 worth of cocaine from Pouchie. He stands up, unsteady on this feet, and begins to check all of this pockets, but finds no trace of the little plastic bag. "Man, did I blow $100 in one night?"
He sits back down and tries for force himself to remember more, but most of the night before is a blank. He doesn't remember driving home, if he did drive. He pushes open the window curtain and sees his car in the driveway. "I guess I did," he thinks.
On the Offensive
Scenes from the night before painfully begin to return. Then gradually he remembers the fight he had with Glenda. She had thrown his dinner in the garbage and they had words -- he can't remember the details. "Oh no," he says, "I hit her. We had a fight and I hit her hard."
David gets up and stumbles his way to the kitchen. Glenda is busy going from cabinet to cabinet and she ignores him when he walks into room. David realizes that she is giving him the silent treatment, which if he is not careful will explode into another verbal attack. He decides to go on the offensive.
"Do you think if you try a little harder you can make even more noise?" he barks. Glenda is startled by his gruffness. She had misjudged the situation, thinking that he would be in a humble, apologetic mood after the fight the night before. Now she is frightened that he might get violent again.
"The coffee's ready, let me get you a cup," she says, pretending as if nothing is wrong. David grabs his cigarettes and goes out onto the front porch. She takes two cups of coffee and a clean ashtray and joins him in silence.
Covering Up
After half her coffee is gone, she decides to approach a non-controversial subject. "I need to go to the grocery store today," she says casually. She is really asking is if she can use his car, their only vehicle with an automatic transmission and the only one she can drive.
"I forgot to get money out of the bank," he lies. "I've got to go back and finish up the job we didn't complete yesterday and I don't know how long that will take," he lies again. "Make out a list and I will pick up whatever we need when I get off work."
Although he had not wanted to get caught looking closely, David had noticed Glenda's face and the black-eye that was already beginning to show. There was no way he was going to let her go out in public like that. He felt justified in his actions, after all she started the fight, but the last thing on Earth he wanted was for anyone to find out he beat his wife.
The subject has not yet come up in their conversation. It's just sitting there, like an elephant in the living room that everyone is ignoring. Again, he goes on the offensive, "I can't believe you threw dinner in the garbage!"
Making Up
"I didn't really do that," Glenda confesses. "I covered it and put in back in the oven. It's still there. I'm sorry, I was angry and I told you that to be mean. I planned a perfect evening together and you didn't even come home." She bursts into tears and begins to sob quietly.
David is moved when he sees her cry. For the first time he feels guilt about having spoiled her plans and having hit her. He moves next to her and put his arm around her. "I'm sorry, baby," he says, "I was drinking and just lost my temper."
She replies, "It's my fault, I shouldn't have screamed at you and been such a bitch."
They hug each other tightly and soon begin to kiss. He stands and takes her hand and leads her upstairs to the bedroom where the "making up" phase of the cycle of violence continues.
"Don't worry," he whispers. "It will never happen again, I promise."
Next: The Cycles Continue
Part 1: A Family in Crisis
Part 2: An Alcoholic in Denial
Part 3: A Family Disease
Has your relationship crossed the line to become an abusive one? Take the Abuse Screening Quiz.