The Business Of America Is... None Of Your Business!
Wealthmongerers, Beware: We're All Socialists Now
by Michael D. Hume, M.S.
As our 30th president, "Silent Cal" Coolidge, once said: "." No, seriously, "Silent Cal" was just a nickname. Another thing he said was "The business of this country is business." What a bonehead! But what do you expect? Dude was SUCH a Republican.
Luckily we have a much more talkative president these days, and he has a few things Coolidge never dreamed of having. These include (but are not limited to) experience with socialism (but not with business), big ideas about how to spend money (but no clue how to make any), and a KILLER ability to speechify (but only with a teleprompter). He's even got brilliant folks surrounding him, including (according to recent news reports) a Secretary of Commerce. So don't worry, heh heh! Prosperity, as far as you know, is right around the corner.
But Cal apparently had it wrong. Sure, in his day, taxes were low, government spending and debt were tiny, unions were functional, incomes were up, and the Twenties roared. But these days, prosperity has nothing to do with what the failed administrations of the past would call "business." All that buying and selling, profit making (gasp!), private property... ick. The very word "business" is archaic! Or soon will be. We'll find out when POTUS' PressSec releases double-plus Newspeak dictionary next ed.
Meanwhile, the president has recently pronounced that the private sector is "doing fine." So it must be! You would think all the high taxes and fees, union graft, tomes of regulations, and so forth, would make it kinda difficult to conduct commerce. But that would just prove you're a tea partier, or a Republican, or some kind of crazy entrepreneur. Commerce is so four-years-ago. It's all about socialism now!
The president's economic plans have worked to perfection. He's got anyone who still has a job working for the government. He's got the rest of us on entitlements. And he's got lots of time to play golf and basketball. All it took was enough government economic sedative spending, brought to you by record debt and taxation, and BAM! The private sector went right to sleep. The average family lost forty percent of its wealth, and many have been able to leave their jobs and pursue the great American dream of park and sidewalk occupation.
So stop trying to do business! We'll have no more of that. It's like trying to teach a pig to dance. It doesn't do any good, and only irritates the pig.
The business of this country is clear: it's getting Barack H. Obama re-elected. Admittedly, business is kinda tough these days. As the old tried-and-true business axiom goes, we do lose money on every sale, but we'll make it up on volume! We just need to double-down on our efforts, America. If we can only secure four more years of the same kind of amazing brilliance that's characterized Mr. Obama's first term, why, we'll end up with... with... well, with what Silent Cal said. No, the first one.
by Michael D. Hume, M.S.
As our 30th president, "Silent Cal" Coolidge, once said: "." No, seriously, "Silent Cal" was just a nickname. Another thing he said was "The business of this country is business." What a bonehead! But what do you expect? Dude was SUCH a Republican.
Luckily we have a much more talkative president these days, and he has a few things Coolidge never dreamed of having. These include (but are not limited to) experience with socialism (but not with business), big ideas about how to spend money (but no clue how to make any), and a KILLER ability to speechify (but only with a teleprompter). He's even got brilliant folks surrounding him, including (according to recent news reports) a Secretary of Commerce. So don't worry, heh heh! Prosperity, as far as you know, is right around the corner.
But Cal apparently had it wrong. Sure, in his day, taxes were low, government spending and debt were tiny, unions were functional, incomes were up, and the Twenties roared. But these days, prosperity has nothing to do with what the failed administrations of the past would call "business." All that buying and selling, profit making (gasp!), private property... ick. The very word "business" is archaic! Or soon will be. We'll find out when POTUS' PressSec releases double-plus Newspeak dictionary next ed.
Meanwhile, the president has recently pronounced that the private sector is "doing fine." So it must be! You would think all the high taxes and fees, union graft, tomes of regulations, and so forth, would make it kinda difficult to conduct commerce. But that would just prove you're a tea partier, or a Republican, or some kind of crazy entrepreneur. Commerce is so four-years-ago. It's all about socialism now!
The president's economic plans have worked to perfection. He's got anyone who still has a job working for the government. He's got the rest of us on entitlements. And he's got lots of time to play golf and basketball. All it took was enough government economic sedative spending, brought to you by record debt and taxation, and BAM! The private sector went right to sleep. The average family lost forty percent of its wealth, and many have been able to leave their jobs and pursue the great American dream of park and sidewalk occupation.
So stop trying to do business! We'll have no more of that. It's like trying to teach a pig to dance. It doesn't do any good, and only irritates the pig.
The business of this country is clear: it's getting Barack H. Obama re-elected. Admittedly, business is kinda tough these days. As the old tried-and-true business axiom goes, we do lose money on every sale, but we'll make it up on volume! We just need to double-down on our efforts, America. If we can only secure four more years of the same kind of amazing brilliance that's characterized Mr. Obama's first term, why, we'll end up with... with... well, with what Silent Cal said. No, the first one.