10 Tips About Children And Separation
Separation is never an easy time for a family, let alone for the children involved.
It is therefore important for you as the parents to keep the focus on the child's well-being.
Tip #1: Children react different depending on their age and nature Your children will react somehow.
Whatever their reaction is, be prepared to offer them support.
If you are at your wits end, involve an independent family friend, teacher or therapist.
Tip #2: Tell them together Even though you might feel resentful towards your partner, remember that it is in your child's best interest to hear it from both of you together.
Tip #3: 'We' rather than 'he/she decided' Use statements like 'we have come to the decision that...
' as your child will better be able to deal with the reality of separation when they don't have to choose to take sides.
Tip #4: Be clear and honest but also mindful of your child's age Tell them how it is, without overwhelming your child with details they don't need to know.
Tip #5: Involve support Teachers, grandparents, friends etc.
form a good support network.
Your children might need additional independent people to talk to so it is important they know what is going on and provide a consistent message.
Tip #6: Keep your negative feeling away from your children Strong feelings might be present during this time but they are for you to deal with, not your children.
Tip #7: Your child is your child, not your partner substitute It is common for a separated parent to involve their child (usually at teenager's age) in decisions that they previously made with their partner.
Don't pull your child into this role, as they tend to grow up too quickly as they feel the expectation to act like an adult.
Tip #8: One thing at a time Allow your child to digest the news one step at a time.
If you have already met a new partner, don't tell them at the same time as you let them know that you plan to separate.
Do one thing after another.
Tip #9: Remain respectful about your partner Your partner will always remain the parent of your child and deserves respect just for that.
You do your child a favor to always remain respectful when talking about them.
Tip #10: Take your challenges somewhere else If you find it hard to follow the suggestions above or to stay respectful towards your partner involve support or see a therapist.
This will help you vent any unresolved emotions and deal with the situation.
Remember: You will always be the parents of your children, whether together or apart - act like a team.
It is therefore important for you as the parents to keep the focus on the child's well-being.
Tip #1: Children react different depending on their age and nature Your children will react somehow.
Whatever their reaction is, be prepared to offer them support.
If you are at your wits end, involve an independent family friend, teacher or therapist.
Tip #2: Tell them together Even though you might feel resentful towards your partner, remember that it is in your child's best interest to hear it from both of you together.
Tip #3: 'We' rather than 'he/she decided' Use statements like 'we have come to the decision that...
' as your child will better be able to deal with the reality of separation when they don't have to choose to take sides.
Tip #4: Be clear and honest but also mindful of your child's age Tell them how it is, without overwhelming your child with details they don't need to know.
Tip #5: Involve support Teachers, grandparents, friends etc.
form a good support network.
Your children might need additional independent people to talk to so it is important they know what is going on and provide a consistent message.
Tip #6: Keep your negative feeling away from your children Strong feelings might be present during this time but they are for you to deal with, not your children.
Tip #7: Your child is your child, not your partner substitute It is common for a separated parent to involve their child (usually at teenager's age) in decisions that they previously made with their partner.
Don't pull your child into this role, as they tend to grow up too quickly as they feel the expectation to act like an adult.
Tip #8: One thing at a time Allow your child to digest the news one step at a time.
If you have already met a new partner, don't tell them at the same time as you let them know that you plan to separate.
Do one thing after another.
Tip #9: Remain respectful about your partner Your partner will always remain the parent of your child and deserves respect just for that.
You do your child a favor to always remain respectful when talking about them.
Tip #10: Take your challenges somewhere else If you find it hard to follow the suggestions above or to stay respectful towards your partner involve support or see a therapist.
This will help you vent any unresolved emotions and deal with the situation.
Remember: You will always be the parents of your children, whether together or apart - act like a team.