How to Have a Happy Marriage Long Distance
Relationships are not easy to maintain when two persons are separated by a huge distance so what more when it is a sexless marriage that you are trying to build and save? Are long distance marriages even possible? It won't be easy to maintain a happy marriage when couples don't live under the same roof but it is possible.
Keep communication constant
Constant communication is critical for marriages to work and couples to have constant love and trust between them. This is especially crucial when the two of you have to live apart. You must both set a schedule for the times that you are able to speak with each other. Even if you can't think of anything to say, you must not miss the times that you have appointed for your scheduled calls. If possible, try enhancing these calls with videos. There are a variety of ways that you can see the person you are talking to on the phone. You can use Internet phones or the video chat options of instant messengers such as those offered by Yahoo and Skype. The 3G video call option of your mobile phone should work, too. It may cost more than the usual long distance calls, but surely it's worth the chance to see your partner's smile after such a long time? Finally, just because you have scheduled calls doesn't mean you have to wait for those appointed times to contact your partner. If you have an impulsive or urgent need to say ‘hello' or ‘I miss you' to your spouse then go ahead and do so! These thoughtful actions may seem inconsequential but they are sure to mean a lot and will be greatly appreciated by your spouse.
Keep communication honest and open
One more thing about married communication: don't keep secrets from each other. At the end of the day, honesty will always be the best policy. The truth may hurt, but it's sure to hurt even more when you hear something that concerns you, your spouse, or your marriage from someone else, don't you think? All these may sound like platitudes, but they are true and they have something to do with your marriage. Since you and your spouse are living apart, it's easier for both of you to lie and do so convincingly. After all, your spouse won't be present and able to immediately verify the truth of your words. But remember that this is vice versa as well! If and when you do feel the urge to keep something from your partner, remind yourself how much your partner loves you. True love is both understanding and forgiving. Also, put yourself in your partner's shoes. What would you want him to do if he was in your position?
Remind yourself that you're married
Trouble in long-distance marriages always begins when one or the other forgets the fact that he or she is married. It doesn't matter how long you've been married or how much you love each other. Life has a way of making things so difficult that even the most loving of couples become susceptible to temptation. It's important to understand that imperfection is natural to humans, but it doesn't give us the license to commit mistakes at all times. What can be prevented should be prevented. For long- distance marriages, you should be proactive and prevent yourself in getting involved in any situation that could threaten your relationship. Let's start with physical reminders of your marriage. Always wear your wedding ring. It is the most powerful symbol of marriage and most people prefer to keep their distance when they see someone wearing a wedding ring. Surround yourself with pictures of your partner and family as much as possible. If you are the one who has left the marital home then decorate your new home – or room – with pictures of your spouse and children. Do the same with your office or cubicle at work and fill your mobile phone and wallet with their pictures as well. Pictures say a thousand words and just a glance at them are sure to remind you of memories you most cherish and would do everything to protect!
Last but not the least, know your limits
It's okay to enjoy a night out with the opposite sex as long as these are group dates. But to entertain a single person from the opposite sex? If you learned that your partner did the same thing, wouldn't you mind? Know the difference between harmless flirtation and something that has the potential to develop into something deeper. Practically all threats to marriage begin with seemingly harmless and innocuous friendships. Play it safe and choose your friends wisely. In fact, try not to have too close friendships with people of the opposite sex if you can help it. Better to be safe than sorry, don't you think?
Constantly reassess your priorities
It's important never to lose sight of what means to you most and that's your marriage. When you live apart from your spouse for a long time, you may get used to your setting, so much so that you've forgotten what your priorities are. Only when it's too late you've realized that you could have saved your marriage if only you had made a move earlier. Always ask yourself if the objective of having a long-distance marriage is still important for both of you. If it isn't applicable anymore then go home to your spouse and family.
Don't prolong your misery
Don't be afraid that the present and the future will not be as good as the past. It won't…it will be better! In the end, it's very important to remember that distance is a relative thing. Two persons who are living in the same house may still feel miles apart because of how they feel about each other. Conversely, even though you and your spouse are living apart for whatever reason, it doesn't have to affect your marriage life. As long as you and your partner continue working hard to keep your marriage happy then you'll feel like you're right next to each other every day.
Keep communication constant
Constant communication is critical for marriages to work and couples to have constant love and trust between them. This is especially crucial when the two of you have to live apart. You must both set a schedule for the times that you are able to speak with each other. Even if you can't think of anything to say, you must not miss the times that you have appointed for your scheduled calls. If possible, try enhancing these calls with videos. There are a variety of ways that you can see the person you are talking to on the phone. You can use Internet phones or the video chat options of instant messengers such as those offered by Yahoo and Skype. The 3G video call option of your mobile phone should work, too. It may cost more than the usual long distance calls, but surely it's worth the chance to see your partner's smile after such a long time? Finally, just because you have scheduled calls doesn't mean you have to wait for those appointed times to contact your partner. If you have an impulsive or urgent need to say ‘hello' or ‘I miss you' to your spouse then go ahead and do so! These thoughtful actions may seem inconsequential but they are sure to mean a lot and will be greatly appreciated by your spouse.
Keep communication honest and open
One more thing about married communication: don't keep secrets from each other. At the end of the day, honesty will always be the best policy. The truth may hurt, but it's sure to hurt even more when you hear something that concerns you, your spouse, or your marriage from someone else, don't you think? All these may sound like platitudes, but they are true and they have something to do with your marriage. Since you and your spouse are living apart, it's easier for both of you to lie and do so convincingly. After all, your spouse won't be present and able to immediately verify the truth of your words. But remember that this is vice versa as well! If and when you do feel the urge to keep something from your partner, remind yourself how much your partner loves you. True love is both understanding and forgiving. Also, put yourself in your partner's shoes. What would you want him to do if he was in your position?
Remind yourself that you're married
Trouble in long-distance marriages always begins when one or the other forgets the fact that he or she is married. It doesn't matter how long you've been married or how much you love each other. Life has a way of making things so difficult that even the most loving of couples become susceptible to temptation. It's important to understand that imperfection is natural to humans, but it doesn't give us the license to commit mistakes at all times. What can be prevented should be prevented. For long- distance marriages, you should be proactive and prevent yourself in getting involved in any situation that could threaten your relationship. Let's start with physical reminders of your marriage. Always wear your wedding ring. It is the most powerful symbol of marriage and most people prefer to keep their distance when they see someone wearing a wedding ring. Surround yourself with pictures of your partner and family as much as possible. If you are the one who has left the marital home then decorate your new home – or room – with pictures of your spouse and children. Do the same with your office or cubicle at work and fill your mobile phone and wallet with their pictures as well. Pictures say a thousand words and just a glance at them are sure to remind you of memories you most cherish and would do everything to protect!
Last but not the least, know your limits
It's okay to enjoy a night out with the opposite sex as long as these are group dates. But to entertain a single person from the opposite sex? If you learned that your partner did the same thing, wouldn't you mind? Know the difference between harmless flirtation and something that has the potential to develop into something deeper. Practically all threats to marriage begin with seemingly harmless and innocuous friendships. Play it safe and choose your friends wisely. In fact, try not to have too close friendships with people of the opposite sex if you can help it. Better to be safe than sorry, don't you think?
Constantly reassess your priorities
It's important never to lose sight of what means to you most and that's your marriage. When you live apart from your spouse for a long time, you may get used to your setting, so much so that you've forgotten what your priorities are. Only when it's too late you've realized that you could have saved your marriage if only you had made a move earlier. Always ask yourself if the objective of having a long-distance marriage is still important for both of you. If it isn't applicable anymore then go home to your spouse and family.
Don't prolong your misery
Don't be afraid that the present and the future will not be as good as the past. It won't…it will be better! In the end, it's very important to remember that distance is a relative thing. Two persons who are living in the same house may still feel miles apart because of how they feel about each other. Conversely, even though you and your spouse are living apart for whatever reason, it doesn't have to affect your marriage life. As long as you and your partner continue working hard to keep your marriage happy then you'll feel like you're right next to each other every day.