Relationship Wisdom - Priorities Of Children In Blended Families
In today's society blended family structures are much more the norm than the nuclear family.
This also means that different priorities and the associated issues will be more common.
Blended families The definition of blended families is 'a social unit consisting of two previously married/de facto parents and the children of their former marriages and relationships.
This term includes couples where only one partner had children from a previous marriage or relationship.
Nuclear families In comparison the above we know of the nuclear family structure where the family consists of the parents and their children.
The parents might be married or de facto.
Priorities of children For most parents their own biological children have priority over the non-biological children of their partner.
In many cases it also happens to be the case that the children have priority over the new partner, especially in emergencies and special circumstances that requires parent-child relationship or attention.
The fact is that this priority system would be fairly similar in the nuclear family but the meaning that is attributed it different.
Challenges for blended families Often the new partner, who at times needs to step back because of the other partner's children, feels left out, disregarded or disrespected.
According to my experience with clients it is however rarely due to the fact of what happened and has more to do with the way this is communicated and executed.
An influence is how the partner with the children feels about having to attend to his or her children in lieu of spending time with his or her new partner.
If you're the partner with the children, ask yourself:
This self-reflection still needs to be followed by a blame-free and honest communication.
If you feel that you are not able to do this as a couple, find a suitable person in your circle or a couple's therapist to help.
This also means that different priorities and the associated issues will be more common.
Blended families The definition of blended families is 'a social unit consisting of two previously married/de facto parents and the children of their former marriages and relationships.
This term includes couples where only one partner had children from a previous marriage or relationship.
Nuclear families In comparison the above we know of the nuclear family structure where the family consists of the parents and their children.
The parents might be married or de facto.
Priorities of children For most parents their own biological children have priority over the non-biological children of their partner.
In many cases it also happens to be the case that the children have priority over the new partner, especially in emergencies and special circumstances that requires parent-child relationship or attention.
The fact is that this priority system would be fairly similar in the nuclear family but the meaning that is attributed it different.
Challenges for blended families Often the new partner, who at times needs to step back because of the other partner's children, feels left out, disregarded or disrespected.
According to my experience with clients it is however rarely due to the fact of what happened and has more to do with the way this is communicated and executed.
An influence is how the partner with the children feels about having to attend to his or her children in lieu of spending time with his or her new partner.
If you're the partner with the children, ask yourself:
- What are you feeling in regards to having to attend to your children? Guilt? Righteous?
- How do you communicate your need to attend to your children?
- How do you involve your partner's feelings into the process of structuring your time with and without the children?
- How do you feel about your partner wanting or needing to attend to his or her children? Frustrated? Angry? Left out? Jealous?
- How do you communicate those feelings to your partner? How do you react when he or she is not with you? What do you consciously or unconsciously communicate to them, your partner and his or her children?
- How do you involve yourself in the process of structuring your time as a couple and the time as a blended family?
This self-reflection still needs to be followed by a blame-free and honest communication.
If you feel that you are not able to do this as a couple, find a suitable person in your circle or a couple's therapist to help.