When She Won't Take "No" For An Answer
By Otto Collins
Rick doesn't like to think of his wife as "pushy," but-- if he is honest with himself-- this is the adjective that comes to his mind. He loves her, but it seems like she always has to have things HER way.
If he is tired after a long work week and his wife wants to him to go with her to visit family, she badgers Rick until he finally gives in. When they have different ideas of how to handle challenges with their kids, they always seem to go with her solution.
Recently, Rick wanted to attend his college fraternity's reunion, but his wife insisted that he skip it so that she wouldn't worry about him getting drunk. Reluctantly, he sent his regrets to his old friends.
Much of the time, he feels emotionally beaten down and as if his opinion counts for nothing. Rick feels resentful and sometimes finds himself sneaking behind his wife's back to do what HE wants to do-- even at the risk of betraying her trust.
Communication in a love relationship or marriage can break down in so many ways.
A disagreement can erupt into a loud and angry argument. One person (or both people) might become cold and silent. There can also be nagging, manipulation, guilt tripping or even bullying.
No matter how strong of a man you believe that you are, it may be that your partner seems to have a knack for getting you to say "Yes." No matter how hard you try to get her to hear and understand your point of view, she may not appear to be able to take no for an answer.
This can make you feeling like you cave in or give in to her most of the time. This can lead you to harbor resentment toward your woman, feel judgmental of yourself and contribute to all kinds of distance in your relationship.
If you'd like your partner to really listen and respect what you have to say, try these tips...
Look at your habits.
Pay closer attention to your habits when it comes to how you communicate with your partner. Do you tend to agree to whatever she says without really thinking it through first? Or, is it your tendency to say "No" to just about anything she says without really considering her idea?
It's possible that you've become used to either being shut down by your woman or to consistently discounting what she wants-- or a combination of these.
Try to observe what you do because this most likely plays a significant role in the dynamic.
If you'd like her to stop badgering you and to really listen, first you're going to need to identify the ways that you contribute to this situation. You're going to need to own up to what you do and make some changes in your own behavior that will support the kinds of changes you want her to make.
Communicate when she can really hear you.
Sometimes, one partner will seem to not take no for an answer mostly because she or he is distracted and not really "here."
When you and your woman talk-- especially if this is about a contentious issue-- make sure that you BOTH are able to really focus in on the conversation. Turn off the television and computer. Finish the dishes and get your kids involved in some independent activity for awhile.
Sit down and look one another in eyes. Clear your mind and really be present with your mate. If your woman is multi-tasking or she seems to be distracted, you might gently ask her to give you just 5 minutes of engaged attention so that you two can really communicate about this important topic.
Honor your relationship agreements AND honor your agreements with you.
Be clear and stick with your boundaries and agreements. This includes the agreements that you might have with your partner and also those that you have with yourself.
This doesn't have to be an "either/or" dilemma.
You CAN find ways to work with your woman, listen and try to understand what she wants and also make sure that you communicate to her what is most important to you. Be honest with her about your priorities concerning the question at hand.
Let her know what you're willing to be flexible about and what you're firm on. Perhaps the most important thing is to go into the conversation with a sense of clarity about what you truly want and then to stick with it in a loving and respectful way.
Even if it takes some time for you two to sort through how you both feel, coming to an agreement that you both feel good about and really feeling heard and understood can do wonders for your relationship.
Rick doesn't like to think of his wife as "pushy," but-- if he is honest with himself-- this is the adjective that comes to his mind. He loves her, but it seems like she always has to have things HER way.
If he is tired after a long work week and his wife wants to him to go with her to visit family, she badgers Rick until he finally gives in. When they have different ideas of how to handle challenges with their kids, they always seem to go with her solution.
Recently, Rick wanted to attend his college fraternity's reunion, but his wife insisted that he skip it so that she wouldn't worry about him getting drunk. Reluctantly, he sent his regrets to his old friends.
Much of the time, he feels emotionally beaten down and as if his opinion counts for nothing. Rick feels resentful and sometimes finds himself sneaking behind his wife's back to do what HE wants to do-- even at the risk of betraying her trust.
Communication in a love relationship or marriage can break down in so many ways.
A disagreement can erupt into a loud and angry argument. One person (or both people) might become cold and silent. There can also be nagging, manipulation, guilt tripping or even bullying.
No matter how strong of a man you believe that you are, it may be that your partner seems to have a knack for getting you to say "Yes." No matter how hard you try to get her to hear and understand your point of view, she may not appear to be able to take no for an answer.
This can make you feeling like you cave in or give in to her most of the time. This can lead you to harbor resentment toward your woman, feel judgmental of yourself and contribute to all kinds of distance in your relationship.
If you'd like your partner to really listen and respect what you have to say, try these tips...
Look at your habits.
Pay closer attention to your habits when it comes to how you communicate with your partner. Do you tend to agree to whatever she says without really thinking it through first? Or, is it your tendency to say "No" to just about anything she says without really considering her idea?
It's possible that you've become used to either being shut down by your woman or to consistently discounting what she wants-- or a combination of these.
Try to observe what you do because this most likely plays a significant role in the dynamic.
If you'd like her to stop badgering you and to really listen, first you're going to need to identify the ways that you contribute to this situation. You're going to need to own up to what you do and make some changes in your own behavior that will support the kinds of changes you want her to make.
Communicate when she can really hear you.
Sometimes, one partner will seem to not take no for an answer mostly because she or he is distracted and not really "here."
When you and your woman talk-- especially if this is about a contentious issue-- make sure that you BOTH are able to really focus in on the conversation. Turn off the television and computer. Finish the dishes and get your kids involved in some independent activity for awhile.
Sit down and look one another in eyes. Clear your mind and really be present with your mate. If your woman is multi-tasking or she seems to be distracted, you might gently ask her to give you just 5 minutes of engaged attention so that you two can really communicate about this important topic.
Honor your relationship agreements AND honor your agreements with you.
Be clear and stick with your boundaries and agreements. This includes the agreements that you might have with your partner and also those that you have with yourself.
This doesn't have to be an "either/or" dilemma.
You CAN find ways to work with your woman, listen and try to understand what she wants and also make sure that you communicate to her what is most important to you. Be honest with her about your priorities concerning the question at hand.
Let her know what you're willing to be flexible about and what you're firm on. Perhaps the most important thing is to go into the conversation with a sense of clarity about what you truly want and then to stick with it in a loving and respectful way.
Even if it takes some time for you two to sort through how you both feel, coming to an agreement that you both feel good about and really feeling heard and understood can do wonders for your relationship.