Whenever we are stressed, depressed or worrying, where are we directing our attention? We are focusing on our feelings.
And, since our thinking takes us in a loop, trying to guess what will happen, seeing all the negative things that can happen, thinking how we will cope, increasing our feelings of worrying, worrying, worrying.
The harder we try to read our own feelings, the more we feel unhappy, sad, worried.
All our energies are directed to handling those feelings.
Wanting to get out of them, we constantly sample them, testing to see if they are still there, still as strong.
What makes it worse, is that we are taught to suppress our feelings, not manage or express them.
And, while we are suppressing them and trying to deal with our feelings we are not focusing on solving our problems.
How do we break these patterns? Focus on doing what you want and less on how you feel.
Self-confidence and self-esteem come when you decrease the focus on your self .
You become less self-absorbed and less self-conscious.
Begin by focusing on the things around you.
Direct your attention to everything in the room or place where you are.
Notice the colors, sounds, temperature, what you are touching and even smell and taste the air.
Take three slow breaths and let them out slowly.
Be aware of your breathing.
Then go for a long walk.
Make a point of focusing on what you hear, see, touch, taste and smell.
Pay close attention to all the small details you may never have noticed before.
If your mind wanders back to your negative thoughts, just gently nudge your attention back to what you are doing.
Solve the Real Problems When you return from your walk, you need to make a list of those problems that are bothering you.
In one column, list the problems that you need to deal with immediately.
For example, finding a job, paying a debt that is due or mending family relationships.
Then list all those problems which you can put off somewhat.
In this list identify those that you imagine are problems but for which you have no real proof.
For example, my friends must be angry at me, I don't have a future, or the world is all evil.
You will want to include ideas like you are not worth much, or I can't talk in public in this same list.
As you go over this list, ask yourself these questions.
"Am I exaggerating this?" and "Am I just imagining this or do I have real proof?" Your next step is to develop a plan to deal with theimmediate problems.
If you have real debts to pay, call the person you owe it to and make arrangements to pay the loan back not matter how long it takes.
They just want to know that they will get paid.
For each real problem, set a goal and work your plan.
Take one step at time, doing a little bit each day.
Since you will be working on your plan, you won't need to worry about the future because you will know what you will be actually doing tomorrow.
You won't need to imagine.
Keep your focus on the here and now.
This is the only time and place that you can actually do something concrete.
Take a lot of deep breaths.
When your stressed out you tend to take very shallow breaths.
Go for walk each day and keep on smiling.
Too self-absorbed or self-conscious? Most people are too busy thinking about themselves, thinking about 'what is in this for me', to really be paying much attention to you.
When you are anxious in a social situation, you tend to take very shallow breaths and that increases your anxiety.
So, remember every so often to pause and take a deep breath.
You can also do an exercise to improve your confidence.
Think about a time when you were very confident when you felt like you could talk on and on and never feel uncomfortable.
Or, imagine how confident you would like to feel.
Normal people with conditions When you know you are depressed or anxious you tend to focus on your symptoms.
You begin to identify yourself as the symptoms and see them as stopping you leading a normal life.
You are a normal person with a condition.
You can learn to function well and adapt no matter what condition you have.
It takes more effort but with the right focus, and challenging yourself, you can do it.
Believe it or not you have all the resources to conquer your fears.
Do it one day at a time.
Focus on Your Goals To get to your destination you have to start with one step.
Along the way you will meet varying levels of traffic and have your share of detours.
If you really want to get there, you will already see yourself successfully arriving at your destination.
Focus on getting what you want and less on your feelings.
By taking action and working to solve your problems, you will become more confident in your abilities.
With each problem that you solve you will feel more successful.
In the end you will be happier.
Be grateful for what you have.
Be grateful for what you accomplish.
Forgive yourself for any mistakes and keep the lesson learned.
After all is said and done only you can say "Enough is enough.
I want to get on with life.
" Only you can take charge of where your thoughts lead you.
Only you can direct your attention to what you want.