When You Read the Sympathy Cards Again and Cry
Every time I walked by the box I flinched.
It held the hundreds of sympathy cards my husband and I received after three deaths in the family.
I did not want to look at the box, let alone open it.
A widowed friend asked me if I had re-read the cards.
"No," I sighed.
"I just can't do it.
" Re-reading the cards would open up grief wounds and my friend understood this.
"The day will come when you read the cards again and cry," she said, "and you will find new comfort in them.
"That day was yesterday.
I recognized most of the names on the cards,but there were some I did not recognize.
However, I was aware of the caring that the cards represented.
One read, "Sometimes the hurt is too big for words," a sentence I understood all too well.
I was often at a loss for words to describe my grief.
In fact, grief had slowed my mind's ability to retrieve vocabulary words.
The box contained cards from my daughter's co-workers.
A composite engineer with an MBA degree, my daughter had managed three production lines at an engine manufacturing plant.
A group card made me cry, especially the note from one co-worker saying he was glad my daughter had been his manager.
I am glad I read the cards again because I found a memorial check in one and cash in another.
Gathering the courage to re-read the cards took me nine months.
This time frame is part of my grief "fingerprint.
"Andrea Gambill describes these fingerprints in an article with the same name, published in the October 2007 issue of "Grief Digest.
""You have the right to be an individual," Gambill says, "to be different in some ways from every other griever.
" If you are grieving you have received sympathy cards.
The cards tell you that people care but, like me, you may not want to read them again.
Should you do it?Yes, but only when you feel the time is right.
As my friend predicted, I found new comfort in the cards.
The sympathy cards represented the thoughts and prayers of hundreds of people and and I could feel their support.
I was really touched by the handmade cards.
One was from an artist friend and another was from a cousin who is an expert photographer.
A hand-letterd card with a quote from Thoreau touched my soul.
"Every blade in the field, every leaf in the forest, lays down its life in its season, as beautifully as it was taken up.
" Bettyclare Moffatt, in her book, "Soulwork: Clearning the Mind, Opening the Heart, Replenishing the Spirit," lists 12 directions we may take for soulwork living.
Direction number 10 spoke to me and it says, in part, "Be willing to learn, to grow, to start over.
"Sympathy cards have helped me to do this and I am creating a new life.
The day will come when you read the cards again and draw comfort and strength from them.
Copyright 2007 by Harriet Hodgson
It held the hundreds of sympathy cards my husband and I received after three deaths in the family.
I did not want to look at the box, let alone open it.
A widowed friend asked me if I had re-read the cards.
"No," I sighed.
"I just can't do it.
" Re-reading the cards would open up grief wounds and my friend understood this.
"The day will come when you read the cards again and cry," she said, "and you will find new comfort in them.
"That day was yesterday.
I recognized most of the names on the cards,but there were some I did not recognize.
However, I was aware of the caring that the cards represented.
One read, "Sometimes the hurt is too big for words," a sentence I understood all too well.
I was often at a loss for words to describe my grief.
In fact, grief had slowed my mind's ability to retrieve vocabulary words.
The box contained cards from my daughter's co-workers.
A composite engineer with an MBA degree, my daughter had managed three production lines at an engine manufacturing plant.
A group card made me cry, especially the note from one co-worker saying he was glad my daughter had been his manager.
I am glad I read the cards again because I found a memorial check in one and cash in another.
Gathering the courage to re-read the cards took me nine months.
This time frame is part of my grief "fingerprint.
"Andrea Gambill describes these fingerprints in an article with the same name, published in the October 2007 issue of "Grief Digest.
""You have the right to be an individual," Gambill says, "to be different in some ways from every other griever.
" If you are grieving you have received sympathy cards.
The cards tell you that people care but, like me, you may not want to read them again.
Should you do it?Yes, but only when you feel the time is right.
As my friend predicted, I found new comfort in the cards.
The sympathy cards represented the thoughts and prayers of hundreds of people and and I could feel their support.
I was really touched by the handmade cards.
One was from an artist friend and another was from a cousin who is an expert photographer.
A hand-letterd card with a quote from Thoreau touched my soul.
"Every blade in the field, every leaf in the forest, lays down its life in its season, as beautifully as it was taken up.
" Bettyclare Moffatt, in her book, "Soulwork: Clearning the Mind, Opening the Heart, Replenishing the Spirit," lists 12 directions we may take for soulwork living.
Direction number 10 spoke to me and it says, in part, "Be willing to learn, to grow, to start over.
"Sympathy cards have helped me to do this and I am creating a new life.
The day will come when you read the cards again and draw comfort and strength from them.
Copyright 2007 by Harriet Hodgson