Avoid These Pitfalls When Dating After A Divorce
How soon should you begin thinking about dating after divorce? Some experts recommend waiting six months, 12 months or even two years after divorce before dating.
However, the key is to wait until you have emotionally "moved on" and are no longer still wrapped up in your past marriage.
You'll never be able to give a new partner the attention they deserve if you're still emotionally attached to your ex-spouse.
No matter how long you wait, reentering the dating pool after a marriage can be scary and stressful.
Often when weighing potential new partners after a divorce, people will tend to look for those who have completely opposite personalities from their ex-spouse.
This is normally a mistake.
It is very unlikely that your ex-spouse had no attractive qualities or nothing in common with you.
It is critical to judge any potential new partner on their own individual merits.
You should consider their personality, their strengths, their weaknesses, their likes and dislikes in relation to yours.
If you do any less than this, you're not being fair to them.
Often after a divorce, it is difficult to trust a new partner, especially if one was hurt in their previous relationship.
Again, we need to remember to extend trust to individuals.
It's not healthy, for example, to think something like, "all men are cheaters.
" Yes, trust has to be earned, but it also should be freely given and not withheld due to injuries you ex-pouse might have caused.
Many newly divorced people, after the end of a difficult relationship, think that they shouldn't settle when it comes to a new partner.
They want only the best in their new relationship after years of having less than that.
Often these people will make a list of personality traits and body types and even features that comprise the "perfect man" or "perfect woman.
" Then, if any potential new partner doesn't reach these lofty ideals, they are turned away.
It can be helpful in these situations to remember that when first entering the dating pool after divorce, you' shouldn't look for a long-term relationship right off the bat.
So it is often good to date someone who might be slightly less than ideal, even if just for fun and to get comfortable with the idea of dating again.
If you have kids from your previous marriage, it's important to not hide that fact from any potential new partners.
Your kids are an extremely important part of your life, and you need to know up front if your new friend can't or won't accept them.
However, it's also important to avoid introducing a date to your children too early.
The rule of thumb is to wait six months after seeing someone new before introducing them to your kids.
Children of divorced parents are already dealing with issues of loss, so it's important to protect them at least until you're pretty certain that the new relationship will last longer than just a few dates.
However, the key is to wait until you have emotionally "moved on" and are no longer still wrapped up in your past marriage.
You'll never be able to give a new partner the attention they deserve if you're still emotionally attached to your ex-spouse.
No matter how long you wait, reentering the dating pool after a marriage can be scary and stressful.
Often when weighing potential new partners after a divorce, people will tend to look for those who have completely opposite personalities from their ex-spouse.
This is normally a mistake.
It is very unlikely that your ex-spouse had no attractive qualities or nothing in common with you.
It is critical to judge any potential new partner on their own individual merits.
You should consider their personality, their strengths, their weaknesses, their likes and dislikes in relation to yours.
If you do any less than this, you're not being fair to them.
Often after a divorce, it is difficult to trust a new partner, especially if one was hurt in their previous relationship.
Again, we need to remember to extend trust to individuals.
It's not healthy, for example, to think something like, "all men are cheaters.
" Yes, trust has to be earned, but it also should be freely given and not withheld due to injuries you ex-pouse might have caused.
Many newly divorced people, after the end of a difficult relationship, think that they shouldn't settle when it comes to a new partner.
They want only the best in their new relationship after years of having less than that.
Often these people will make a list of personality traits and body types and even features that comprise the "perfect man" or "perfect woman.
" Then, if any potential new partner doesn't reach these lofty ideals, they are turned away.
It can be helpful in these situations to remember that when first entering the dating pool after divorce, you' shouldn't look for a long-term relationship right off the bat.
So it is often good to date someone who might be slightly less than ideal, even if just for fun and to get comfortable with the idea of dating again.
If you have kids from your previous marriage, it's important to not hide that fact from any potential new partners.
Your kids are an extremely important part of your life, and you need to know up front if your new friend can't or won't accept them.
However, it's also important to avoid introducing a date to your children too early.
The rule of thumb is to wait six months after seeing someone new before introducing them to your kids.
Children of divorced parents are already dealing with issues of loss, so it's important to protect them at least until you're pretty certain that the new relationship will last longer than just a few dates.