I used to feel uncomfortable with silence. Sometimes I tried to fill empty spaces in conversations with meaningless chatter. It was like if silence was a loud but intimate and dark part of me that I did not want anyone to invade. When I was younger I was a little bit of an introvert with people that I did not know and this shyness sometimes was perceived as arrogance. Or people asked with a facial gesture of preoccupation if I was ok when I seemed not to want to be so chatty. I guess that is one of the reasons why silence made me uncomfortable, because it had a negative connotation and because it is misunderstood. When I first started traveling by myself I felt lonely because there was so much silence and this made want to meet people or make a call, etc. About three years ago during a yoga class that I was teaching I could hear myself talking like a parrot non-stop and I realized where this was coming from. But I thought that if I talked non-stop with a smooth soothing yoga voice it was ok. I was just trying to fill the gaps again. It is like feeling not productive when we don't do anything; well being silent fell like being not productive too. This was a lesson that taught me that it is ok to be silent, it is ok being still. But we all need silence. We need to assimilate in our whole body mind and soul the experience of being in life by letting it all sink in in quietude. Why are we so afraid to be with ourselves? If there is something we don't want to see, we better look at it and see what the hell we can do to change it.
Sometimes we need silence because we are going through some difficult times and sometimes we want to be silent because it just feels good. Silence coming from a place of awkwardness is different, but it is only awkward when we think silence is not beautiful. One of the people that I enjoy being in silence is my sister. We can be hanging out for hours and have many moments of silence and it is soooo ok. We are not looking to break it because we can just Be however we want with each other.
Today I don't consider myself a shy person anymore and in fact I enjoy and seek and renew in silence. I delight in waking up before 6:00 am to enjoy the sound of silence in my house and the streets. I love traveling by myself and I don't feel lonely, I feel alone but content in being with myself. I enjoy being social, going to concerts, short talks, casual talks and I am deeply passionate about discussions on the meaning of life. I need meaningful noise and loud silence.
Wayne Dyer put it beautifully (if you are not a religious person you can change the word €God€ by €source, universe, life or whatever has meaning for you€:
The key words are still and know. Mother Teresa described silence and its relationship to God by saying, €God is the friend of silence. See how nature€"trees, grass, grow in silence; see the stars, the moon, and the sun, how they move in silence€¦. We need silence to be able to touch souls.€
Everything that's created comes out of silence. Your thoughts emerge from the nothingness of silence. Your words come out of this void. Your very essence emerged from emptiness. All creativity requires some stillness. Your sense of inner peace depends on spending some of your life energy in silence to recharge your battery, remove tension and anxiety, reacquaint you with the joy of knowing God, and feel closer to all of humanity. Going into the quiet and listening will heal and inspire you. In silence, you make your personal and conscious contact with God. As Melville reminded us, €God's one and only voice is silence.€